Personal Ad

Personal Ad

One girl who gardens and dreams
of Marxist utopias is seeking
someone who prefers
witty literature to foreplay
and mind-blowing ideas to orgasms.
Someone to share dark and demented films with,
and it would be nice
if that person
also liked classical music
and reading, like I do.
And if you think this sounds
girly
please be advised
that I can eat more chilli
and drink more beer
and quote more Tarantino lines
than you. Just sayin'.
We can settle this with a thumb-wrestle
which I will win
did I mention my fingers
are extraordinarily long?

Someone with a geeky sense of humour,
who will laugh with me
until we are crying and squatting
and clutching ourselves
trying not to pee.

I shower and wash my hair
before I go to sleep and upon awakening.
I know, it’s only bed, not surgery,
but hot water is my favourite bread
for sandwiching the day.
I only have coffee for breakfast,
but if you prefer an omelette,
will you make it yourself and let me have a bite?
I will happily cook dinner every night
if you will help me with the dishes.
Sometimes, I sit quite still
for twenty minutes or so
to study a leaf or a photograph
for no reason at all.
And at other times I can talk
as if I were some great orator
with access to all of the mysteries of life -
please, feel free to tell me to shut up.